Just over 1 month ago I said good-bye to a part of my life that I had held so close to my heart for over 2 years and in doing so I said good-bye to so many friends and to a group of ladies whose support is/was second to none. In March 2008 I began my first (and only) IVF treatment. As most women facing this extreme way of starting or adding to their family I was terrified of the journey I was about to embark on. Night after night I'd sit in front of my computer googling everything from "IVF" to the ingredients that were going to be in the dozens of medications I was going to be injecting myself with. Then out of the blue I stumbled on an infertility forum; a little site created and maintained by a Canadian out in Vancouver, BC. Little did I know that night that this site would change me for the better.
I registered myself and immediately joined the "Cycle Buddy" thread in progress. I was welcomed with opened arms and to this day "my first forum buddy" is still a friend and I am happy to be able to follow her personal life now on Facebook (Hugs Poohbaby). From that point on I started to learn about the true struggles of infertility.
So as my eyes were opened to what infertility really was and how it affected the lives of so many I also started to make some friendships. Friendships that saved me not only during my cycle, but during my pregnancy, during my life as a NICU parent, during my grieving after the loss of my IVF miracle fighter Isabelle, during my grieving for my still born son Simon and then another miscarriage soon after.
During my time on this forum I was not only a member, but a moderator and then a site administrator. I gave my time, my heart and soul to this site for months as I wanted to try and give back what it had given me. Unfortunately this spring, just over 2 years later I decided to step down and move on with my life leaving a very important part of life behind.
The reason I left was 2 fold. First I could no longer stand the bickering on the site and I no longer had the strength or will to be a "police officer". What most members did not know is that I had been PMed by many; to this date since my last visit to the site at the beginning of June 2010 I left almost 40 unread PMs in my inbox! But most importantly what I never mentioned is that it was time for me as Karolyn and not as Ceska_holkacz Site Admin to start to focus on my life and the cards that I was dealt. It was time for Karolyn to turn that page of the past and truly believe that a new chapter had begun in her life.
I will always be thankful to what all you ladies and gent gave me when I was part of your community. But since I had conceived naturally a couple of times since my IVF treatment and I already have my walking Miracle Emilie I honestly did not feel right sharing my journey on an infertility website. Funny how the straw that broke the camel's back is basically the same reason I personally decided to leave.
I do hope that the friendships I had made on the forum will continue for years to come. I will be blogging my thoughts and journey here so please do follow me and trust that I do follow your journeys; once a lurker always a lurker.
Lots of hugs,
Karolyn
It is great to read an entry from you...
ReplyDeleteXO - I have been less stressed since leaving the site...I think you made the best choice for you and your family.
I will happily follow your new journey! I am very happy for you it is good to move on, I am trying to as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to read this post also. I have missed you on the site... even though I kept pretty quiet.
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right decision in leaving, I have also done the same after having my daughter. It just didnt feel right to be there. I hope you dont mind but I will continue to follow your journey.
You are a very strong and inspirational person :)
Stay strong. You are always in my thoughts!! Feel free to add me on facebook as well.
Jamie
I still miss you on ivf.ca, but I understand and respect your decision. Your absence is a loss to the community on the site and to those who have yet to join - they won't even know what they're missing in you. I hope Karolyn finds happiness - and I'm glad you gave me a place to check in and see how you are.
ReplyDeleteXO
ReplyDeleteHi Karolyn,
ReplyDeleteI was wondering where you went, so I followed the link to your blog from ivf.ca. I'm sad to see you go, but you need to do what is right for you. You may not remember me, I'm Rosa...I met you for brunch in Nov 09 when you visited Megan in Toronto.
I had a really bad accident about 6 weeks ago. It was my 2nd day back from maternity leave and at night I fell down the stairs of my home, about 15 feet straight down and broke my neck, 2 vertebrae in my back and 4 ribs. It was the scare of my life, I rode the ambulance to St. Mike's alone and was really scared I had spinal cord damage. I was lucky and had no damage and am at home on disability now and likely to not be back at work until at least mid November. Keep me in your prayers. I'm really scared the bones won't heal correctly. I didn't need surgery. I can no longer care for my daughter, my husband and the nanny we hired does everything. When the nanny leaves, my daughter cries for her! Today I had to run to the bathroom to cry after our nanny left. Anyway I hope you are doing better.