The loss of 2 children in one year can take a toll on anyones emotional and physical well-being and can obviously wreck havoc in anotherwise stable and happy marriage. I am proud to say that although my husband and I have had our arguements we are fighting this battle together and we both know that no matter what our precious walking Miracle Emilie will have her parents happy and together. So please join me in my journey to add to my family; life has a funny way of working out if we just believe.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

T'was the night before...

T'was the night before,
what would have been,
your birthday number two. 
And all I could think of
is how much I miss you.
      - Mommy

Two years ago tomorrow, December 23rd, I gave birth to a little girl that will have forever changed me. Two years ago I learnt what true fight and determination was. One look into my Miracle Fighter's eyes and I learnt what the meaning of true strength really was.

In my arms, for all of 30 seconds, before being whisked of to the NICU I promised my little girl that we would fight together to get her well. I still remember looking into those eyes and not wanting to let go but knowing she needed help. Having a child literally ripped from your arms in the beginning moments of their life is a feeling that I would not wish upon anyone.

Today I sit here wondering what Isabelle would look like, what her favorite toys would be and just trying to imagine what a hug and a kiss from her would feel like. My little girl would be 2 tomorrow; we would be embarking onto the road of the terrible twos! What I would give to be there instead of wondering would she be blond and curly like her big sister or would she have the dark locks of hair she was born with? Would she have blue or brown eyes? Among the million of other questions and thoughts that are going through my mind today.

Over the last two years I have worked hard to come to terms with all this and I do believe that I have; yet there are going to be days like today and tomorrow that will show me that the intensity of the pain one feels after loosing a child does not change.  Last summer I was reading an article about a women who had lost her child and she was in the midst of supporting a friend going through her first year and think her analogy of what how we feel really hit the nail on the head.  She wrote: "Although losing a child is much worse, the best analogy I can think of is losing an arm or a leg. You learn to get along without it, but you never forget that it isn't there any more. Most days you can carry along fine enough, but there are some days when it hits you, sometimes out of the blue when you least expect it, when you are in the aisle of the grocery store or when you hear a certain song and it takes your breath away. (...) Over the years, it does get easier. (...)Probably one of the greatest fears we have is that people will forget.  Those of us who are unfortunate enough to have experienced a loss, especially the loss of a child, don't need sympathy. We don't want you to feel sorry for us. We want you to remember that the child we once held in our arms is now being held in our heart.

So with that I just wanted to take the time to share my beautiful little angel's memory and to wish her a very happy birthday - Mommy will always and forever carry her in her heart.


Thank you for taking the time to read and for keeping the memory of my little girl alive.


  1. Isabelle - always in our hearts :). A true miracle...

    Beautiful entry K

    Love M&A and the miracle you gave us

  2. Thinking of you and your family.

    Lots of love


  3. Precious, beautiful, miracle fighter Isabelle - we will always remember you.

    Please continue to watch over your mommy, daddy, sister and family.

    Thinking of you and your family Karolyn.

    Love and hugs,

  4. Happy 2nd Birthday Baby Isabelle!!
    Very nicely said K!

    Thinking of you!!

  5. Adana Kumar Beautiful entry, K. Happy 2nd birthday sweet angel. She was a strong little baby, just like her Mommy.

    Love and hugs

    Judy Cowan I will be thinking about you tomorrow. Happy 2nd Birthday angel, even those of us who never met you, miss you. You touched many hearts during your short time with us. Hugs.

    Megan Harris Beautiful entry for a beautiful little girl...

    Amanda Barlow Just wanted to say you will be in my thoughts tomorrow and your beautiful little angel!
    Many Hugs!

  6. Hello Karolyn

    Happy Birthday angel girl, precious gift.

    Thinking of you on this heavenly birthday.

    mdbmdb---Barrett's mommy

  7. jgeddes Yesterday, 08:01 PM --- thinking of you - happy birthday, sweet Isabelle. xo

    valentine0214 Yesterday, 10:38 PM --- Happy Birthday, Little Angel, Isabelle; We'll never forget.

    pinkstar Today, 12:28 AM --- Happy Birthday baby Isabelle...

    your baby girl will always be remembered by everyone here.... Thinking of you at such a hard time!!!

    Rick Today, 12:43 AM --- Happy Birthday Little Isabelle. You are forever in our hearts.

    tigerlady Today, 05:40 AM --- Happy Birthday sweet Isabelle

  8. Happy Birthday baby Isabelle. Thinking of you today Karolyn. XO

  9. Brought tears to my eyes...
    This is clearly a very emotional time for you and your family. I'm thinking of you and hoping your strength and the support you have from friends and family will help make this time a little easier.

  10. Happy Birthday miracle baby Isabelle. You will be forever loved.

    Shawna aka Bella

  11. Happy Birthday Isabelle... You will always be in my heart.. I still remember you laying you in your's arms, smiling the day I met you.. You came in to this world fighting, fighting everyday you where here, and left fighting. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you. In the evenings while I was sitting in the NICU holding my little girl, I would think of the future. You, Michael, and Arianne one day running around at the park while the mom's sat and talked about what life has been like since the three of you (four with my son) came in to our lives.. Now when ever I see a butterfly, I cry. I have five them in my house!! One day I will see you again. Miss you!!!